Rejection

Have you ever feel rejected? feel unbelong? I had..

Its happen when I'm in college. I close to my housemate,Ad (not real name). We always walk to the class together, having lunch and dinner together. She is funny, happy-go-lucky and like to do crazy things. Well, I'm the opposite character. Things change when she starts drive to school. Of course, I carpooled with her. She begins to get out more and I cant come with her all the time. I lack of time and money. She going out with other friends (fai, day, cid and fi) and and because I always left out, I start to fall apart from them, from her. There is no topics that involve me anymore and there is a lot of secrets between them. Slowly, I start to part away from them. They make me feel unbelong to that group.

I remembered, I was in my fai's(one of the member of that group) room. Suddenly, day come in being all excited. She said she wants to talk to fai alone, so I walk out. As soon as I step out, day slam the door shut, in front of my face. My heart crush. 

Another incidents, they accidently said something about going out to this place. Fi said that there is available space for anyone to come along. The other's face kind of shock. I feel that it suppose to be a secret and fi doesnt know it that she should not discuss it in my presence. After moments of awkwardness, fai said the car is full.I understand they dont want me to come along even without fai saying anything. She shouldnt lie to me saying the car is full because I'm not a fool!

Feeling more rejected as the time pass by, I walk away from them. I no longer carpooling, walk by myself to the class. Going to lunch and dinner by myself. Its hard to be alone but its even harder to be lonely everytime I with them. Swallow all the pain, cry myself out in the blanket, in the shower. Cry without making any sounds. My world cramble. I'm breaking. I will never forget the pain.

The guy that I like, never like me, choose someone totally different from me. The guy that I love, leave me and give such stupid reason think that I will buy it.

After series of rejection, I dont have confident anymore in any kind of relationship. Yes, I'm broken inside. I fall into the pieces so dont blame me when I overreacted, oversensitive.

Dont leave me when I change, become someone else. Dont dismiss me so easily. I dont have any strength to fight. Cant you just accept me? Dont make me turn away from you. I need you, more than everything.

I know what I did is wrong and too sudden. You need time to accept me, but dont make me wait too long, I'm afraid I cant stand it anymore.

I'm angry, I'm confuse, I'm afraid, I rebel.