biggest loser

*sigh*

its getting worse. my life is getting worse and its all my fault. I hate myself. Why cant I change?

one of my resolution is become an early riser. I want to wake up 6 am every morning, so i can attend 8 am lecture with fresh mind. Unfortunately, I found its difficult.

in a right mind, right now, i can say "i'll wake up at 6am" but when i was half asleep...*sigh again*

what the heck wrong with me? i'm in week 9, almost finish my sem but i didnt change at all. I'm afraid if i keep miss my classes, i'll end up getting bad pointer. I already promise pn Naemah to improve my result.

If i'm telling anyone about this, i know exactly what they will say. Some of my friend think i'm a genius that dont have to study to get excellent result, that totally WRONG!!!! they used to say "relaks r sarah, ko pandai, xpe.. leh wat punye."

A true friend will never discourage her/his own friend. I know, u just tell me the fact but thats not the point here. If i am even the smartest human in this world, u should encourage me to work hard, so i can go further but not stopping me, so i can walk beside you.

see, i'm blaming my friend despite its absolutely my own fault. *sigh*

Maybe, i should have room mate but i'm afraid she will hate me. there is part of me that i dont wanna show to anyone. My last roommate hate me, treat me badly because of that part me. I dont want myself get hurt again.

or Should i get married? so someone will kick me off the bed and keep babbling until i make him a breakfast. That kind of great idea but the problem is who will marry me? and who the hell will get marry just because to wake up early. totally insane!!!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

i mess up my own future!!!!

SOS!!!!!i really want to cry right now.

p/s: i absolutely doesnt need any pieces of advice. I dont even know, what i really need.