The new day has come with brightful and promising future. Land of opportunity also vast space for improvement. But new day never cease to forget the past. Every memory flowing by, waiting to be compared to present. I vow mysef to keep silent bout my past but i failed cause past never leave me
New day that i've been waiting with fear also pleasure. The fear of failure and pleasure of self-improvement.
Thus i hope this new day always stand before light as darkness is my ultimate enemy.
Staying Sane
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Staying or leaving Monash equally painful. Its suffocate but I cant complain cause this the path I choose. Friends, they have their own life and problem so I cant trouble them besides sympathy is the least thing I need right now.
All the success before seems nothing cause of this 1 particular failure and thats all they see. That is all they see.
All the success before seems nothing cause of this 1 particular failure and thats all they see. That is all they see.
Tears and Fist
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tears. its my enemy right now. Been fighting it the whole day. Why?
1. FELDA hasnt bank in my allowance yet. I need damn money so much to settle everything before going back for good.
2. Today is my last counselling session. Jodie has been a very good listener to me and im gonna miss her.
3. Eveything that I planned ruined because of that money. This week is my last week in melbourne and i want it to be great but...Im so furious.
4. I dont wanna leave this town. I have a great life here. For me I start my real life in this cozy place and Im gonna miss it so much.
5. Lots of thing cant be settle down not only because of the money but also because this one particular *****. after talk to my counselor, I thought I want to have peace and confront her but tonight she did it again. She alienated me. She thinks she can throw me away just like that make me totally not exist. Well, she got it wrong cause one day I'll be back and god knows what i'm gonna do to her so called perfect little life and thats the promise!
1. FELDA hasnt bank in my allowance yet. I need damn money so much to settle everything before going back for good.
2. Today is my last counselling session. Jodie has been a very good listener to me and im gonna miss her.
3. Eveything that I planned ruined because of that money. This week is my last week in melbourne and i want it to be great but...Im so furious.
4. I dont wanna leave this town. I have a great life here. For me I start my real life in this cozy place and Im gonna miss it so much.
5. Lots of thing cant be settle down not only because of the money but also because this one particular *****. after talk to my counselor, I thought I want to have peace and confront her but tonight she did it again. She alienated me. She thinks she can throw me away just like that make me totally not exist. Well, she got it wrong cause one day I'll be back and god knows what i'm gonna do to her so called perfect little life and thats the promise!
Silent night
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Dark Toyota Prius drove through North-South highway roaring at 140mph, broken the sound of silent night. The driver, middle aged woman wearing white long sleeve custom tailor shirts, like others career woman love to wear.
She smiles and laugh at the deejay canny jokes and happily sing along the played songs. Bring out the memories of the incredible meeting, million dollar contract that almost in her hands. million dollar contract that only she, can pull off.
She glance at the clock, 10 minutes past 9. She cant wait to come home, to her beautiful kids and of course to her good-for-nothing husband. Well, she used to love him but as the time goes by love fades away, like paint on the wall, like flowers that wither. Never mind, she thinks, she got her 2 little angels, money and great career, she dont need him but why they still together? That, she not sure.
The sound of silver Waja past her, throwing her back to reality. Feel challenged, she hits the speed pad, digits increased to 150 mph, then she wins the unofficial race. Thats the second triumph for her today, after million dollar contract. A woman manage to bind a contract from overseas company, that will profit million or manybe billion. Everyone praise her,ask her how she do it.
Its not easy of course considering the time she spends at the office everyday, the time that she supposed to spend raise up her kids. She feel guilty, convince herself they will understand, someday. Someday, they will say "my mom, is an incredible businesswoman, the next Malaysia's iron lady."
Ahh, she blushing and giggling such a girl at first date.
Bamm!!
She press the break, tyre stretching and the car stops. What was that? Her heart pounding fast. Now, the silent wrapth her in confusion. She sees a body, and blood. being wise woman she always is, she pick up phone dial 999.
Wait. What if she just start the engine and drive away? No one sees this, right. Then, her conscience knock. She reports the accident. What possibly could go wrong? She can pay for hospital bills, if the girl is not dead. or did she? She steps outside, walk to the jane doe, blood all over, gathering up her last courage to feel the wrist.
She stumble back, stare at the dead body. What have she done?
The sirens coming fast and loud. soon, the night not so quite anymore, crowded with cops and paramedics.
And she just staring to the space, nothing in her mind, no million dollar contract, no smiling kid, not even her good-for-nothing husband.
Why this happen when Everything just so perfect.
She smiles and laugh at the deejay canny jokes and happily sing along the played songs. Bring out the memories of the incredible meeting, million dollar contract that almost in her hands. million dollar contract that only she, can pull off.
She glance at the clock, 10 minutes past 9. She cant wait to come home, to her beautiful kids and of course to her good-for-nothing husband. Well, she used to love him but as the time goes by love fades away, like paint on the wall, like flowers that wither. Never mind, she thinks, she got her 2 little angels, money and great career, she dont need him but why they still together? That, she not sure.
The sound of silver Waja past her, throwing her back to reality. Feel challenged, she hits the speed pad, digits increased to 150 mph, then she wins the unofficial race. Thats the second triumph for her today, after million dollar contract. A woman manage to bind a contract from overseas company, that will profit million or manybe billion. Everyone praise her,ask her how she do it.
Its not easy of course considering the time she spends at the office everyday, the time that she supposed to spend raise up her kids. She feel guilty, convince herself they will understand, someday. Someday, they will say "my mom, is an incredible businesswoman, the next Malaysia's iron lady."
Ahh, she blushing and giggling such a girl at first date.
Bamm!!
She press the break, tyre stretching and the car stops. What was that? Her heart pounding fast. Now, the silent wrapth her in confusion. She sees a body, and blood. being wise woman she always is, she pick up phone dial 999.
Wait. What if she just start the engine and drive away? No one sees this, right. Then, her conscience knock. She reports the accident. What possibly could go wrong? She can pay for hospital bills, if the girl is not dead. or did she? She steps outside, walk to the jane doe, blood all over, gathering up her last courage to feel the wrist.
She stumble back, stare at the dead body. What have she done?
The sirens coming fast and loud. soon, the night not so quite anymore, crowded with cops and paramedics.
And she just staring to the space, nothing in her mind, no million dollar contract, no smiling kid, not even her good-for-nothing husband.
Why this happen when Everything just so perfect.
See
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My friend once told me,
why would people know you hurt if you dont tell them there is thorn in your shoes.
Yes, people can know if they look carefully, that i was limping and my face pale.
If they really looking, they may know.
Sometimes, pain are too hard to describe and
your only hope is someone notice it
before you are bleed to death.
why would people know you hurt if you dont tell them there is thorn in your shoes.
Yes, people can know if they look carefully, that i was limping and my face pale.
If they really looking, they may know.
Sometimes, pain are too hard to describe and
your only hope is someone notice it
before you are bleed to death.
First Love
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Dear love,
The beautiful first love, the innocence, the fun.
At that time, we thought Love is all that matter.
then we grow up, realize world is a big place. Many things exist, not only you and me. We have a dreams, we draw our futures.
In mine, there is you but...Yours have no me. we break apart. You chase your dream while I'm standing still watching you. How I wish I can walk with you. How I wish to be there through thin and thick. no, you are too busy, mending your future. You dont see me.
You said you love me bu t you have to block those feeling. You afraid I become distraction. Those words slice my heart. Why? Why I cant be the woman behind a success man?
I lost you cause all the pressure I put you on. I'm sorry. its because I really love you and I care about you. I'm sorry.
I cant wait till all your dreams come true. I'm afraid all the waiting will be regret.
I need a man who gonna grow old with me, Hold my hand in this journey, Catch me when I'm fall, who make me believe in life again.
My first love, I cant take another step towards you.
Let stop before our love become ugly,before innocence die, before we lost all the fun.
Lot of love
Missysecret
The beautiful first love, the innocence, the fun.
At that time, we thought Love is all that matter.
then we grow up, realize world is a big place. Many things exist, not only you and me. We have a dreams, we draw our futures.
In mine, there is you but...Yours have no me. we break apart. You chase your dream while I'm standing still watching you. How I wish I can walk with you. How I wish to be there through thin and thick. no, you are too busy, mending your future. You dont see me.
You said you love me bu t you have to block those feeling. You afraid I become distraction. Those words slice my heart. Why? Why I cant be the woman behind a success man?
I lost you cause all the pressure I put you on. I'm sorry. its because I really love you and I care about you. I'm sorry.
I cant wait till all your dreams come true. I'm afraid all the waiting will be regret.
I need a man who gonna grow old with me, Hold my hand in this journey, Catch me when I'm fall, who make me believe in life again.
My first love, I cant take another step towards you.
Let stop before our love become ugly,before innocence die, before we lost all the fun.
Lot of love
Missysecret
Suicide
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
There is time, when everything is too much
there is also time, when nothing is enough
I receives a lot of love and thought it will get me through the day but
what comes is the guilty feeling, drive me to the corner, push me to the edge.
the urge to run away, far far away, to a place of no past keep intrigue me but will the past can be really forgotten? Maybe move to another world will, but definitely that world is deep under pit. I keep asking what I should do, what I shouldnt do?
Why after all the stories that i told, still it feels like no one cares? But they do cares.
So, I open my eyes wide open, push myself up, trying to walk. It hurts. Its not easy. I walk like nothings matter. Some people starts to show up, try to love me but honey its too late. Your sincerity do not make my hearts warm but sets it in fire. Why now?Why its only now?
Even now, 1000 words cant comprehend you my fall.
I'll not look back. Please dont ask me to stop. Please dont tell I choose wrong path. Please dont shut me back into that dark room.
This beautiful song/video is from Rascal Flatts. Some people thinks suicide is for the weakling. They didnt help, they didnt care. They just look.
"I thinks its easy for people to say suicide's not the answer when they've never known what it feels like to be pushed to your limits and past. When you fight to find a reason to keep going. And once you cant find that reason anymore, its just not worth the fight. But I think the fight is what makes us strong enough to keep going. Life's gonna push you, but how hard you push back is what matters. I'm still pushing back, and I think it's going to be worth it." - ShayDeLuca
there is also time, when nothing is enough
I receives a lot of love and thought it will get me through the day but
what comes is the guilty feeling, drive me to the corner, push me to the edge.
the urge to run away, far far away, to a place of no past keep intrigue me but will the past can be really forgotten? Maybe move to another world will, but definitely that world is deep under pit. I keep asking what I should do, what I shouldnt do?
Why after all the stories that i told, still it feels like no one cares? But they do cares.
So, I open my eyes wide open, push myself up, trying to walk. It hurts. Its not easy. I walk like nothings matter. Some people starts to show up, try to love me but honey its too late. Your sincerity do not make my hearts warm but sets it in fire. Why now?Why its only now?
Even now, 1000 words cant comprehend you my fall.
I'll not look back. Please dont ask me to stop. Please dont tell I choose wrong path. Please dont shut me back into that dark room.
This beautiful song/video is from Rascal Flatts. Some people thinks suicide is for the weakling. They didnt help, they didnt care. They just look.
"I thinks its easy for people to say suicide's not the answer when they've never known what it feels like to be pushed to your limits and past. When you fight to find a reason to keep going. And once you cant find that reason anymore, its just not worth the fight. But I think the fight is what makes us strong enough to keep going. Life's gonna push you, but how hard you push back is what matters. I'm still pushing back, and I think it's going to be worth it." - ShayDeLuca
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