BreAking

I fall right off the cliff.

I heard my bones cracking, my soul breaking.

I dont want to open my eyes.

I'm too afraid to move.

I keep waiting for something that i dont even know what.

I cry as I suppress my tears.

I let all the fears, all the pain control me.

I wish I can let go.

I wish.

The MonsTer of Me

i saved him from my evil self in hope he never get hurt becoz of me, but it turn out worst. i cant stop myself thinking about this again and over again. Nevertheless, there is no solution to this matter.

I always believe time will heal this wound but now, its different. this is not wound but DISEASE. that will encounter me many times in this life.

What i need is not a medicine, but a doctor to treat and control me. To waking me up from a nightmare. To holding me in a loneliness.

Yesterday, i wish i have eraser in my head so I can erase all the bad memories but i was wrong, this bad memories are part of me.

How?

How to be a great student? How to have a tremendous passion?

I obviously study for exam, not for the sake of knowledge. Why i behaving like this?

Competition? In my class, almost everyone can be classified as excellent student. My friend from other course said that he always saw electrical student study in the library. Me? I usually only go to the library to print out lecture notes.

Passion? passion like Thomas Edison or maybe Michael Faraday or at least like..umm..any succesful Malaysian. My desire is not HD but more to make myself enjoy my student life in Monash Uni. Its a rare opportunity for people like me to continue my study in overseas university. So why waste it?

Driving Force? I already taste failure. I remember how it hurts me, causing me big stress. But why? why it cant be the driving force?why?

Obviously, i keep talking bout the same thing in my blog. Sorry...

AnGer

ok, he piss me off right now. i saw him online but after few minutes, he's not anymore. I bet he try to run away again(his field of expertise i bet). well, for his information, i'll not chase after him. why would i do that? well, its true, i love him before and most probably until now, but still, i love myself more than that. i'll not crush my own pride, chasing someone who dumb me before, its not worth it. What i need from him right now is answer for all my question and for that, i need to be friendly.

I will be with him if Allah destines it to be like that or else we will walk our own path. When he run away like that, i cant stop thinking how coward he is. he knows that i am a strong girl so he should know i was strong enough to bear all the truth.

He chewed out my heart and now he crushed my pride. He must be forgot who actually i am. I'll show him!

Redha

saya tanya dia, pasal masa silam, psal dia ngan seorg gadis...dia kate xde ape2.xde ape2 yg perlu dirisaukan...tpi dia juga cakap,yang dia cuma mahukan persahabatan dengan kawan sekolah(including me)...sebab kita lebih rapat dan selesa ketika berkawan...

mgkin ramai yg kata, saya patut tunggu dulu, tapi saya lebih suka berterus-terang. Saya xpasti perasaan dia,susah nak detect,dia sangat berhati-hati. Andai kata, dia hanya mahu kami kekal sebagai kawan, saya terima tapi saya tak akan paksa hati saya untuk hentikan perasaan saya pada dia. sememangnya pahit kalau berada dalam ketidakpastian.

Saya faham apa yang berlaku dulu, sekarang dan masa hadapan adalah ketentuan Dia, Tuhan Yang Maha Mengetahui. Dia lebih tahu apa yang terbaik,jadi saya akan tenang dalam semua keadaan. Saya akan bersabar dengan kesabaran yang baik. Sesungguhnya, tiada cinta yang patut melebihi cinta kepada Pemilik cinta.

saya takut...

saya takut apabila hati saya rasa bahagia..
saya takut senyuman di ganti air mata

saya takut apabila diri saya mula berubah...
saya takut akan berubah lagi

saya takut apabila dia mula hampiri...
saya takut dia pergi seperti dulu
saya ingin bertanya soal hati dia...
tapi saya takut dia akan pergi jauhkan diri

saya takut kerana masa silam yang masih memburu
mungkin saya masih trauma...
atau saya memang seorang pengecut
untuk melangkah kehadapan

apapun...saya sangat takut sekarang
dan hanya pada Allah...
saya memohon ketenangan jiwa...

perKongSian Ilmu - Akhlak

Hari ni, aku ada dgr usrah tv9, given by Dato' Dr fateema. Beliau berckap mengenai surah Al-Isra' ayat 18-38.

Dalam ayat2 tersebut telah Allah nyatakan akhlak yang bagaimana harus ada pada setiap mukmin...bagi aku ayat2 ini adalah garis panduan kita semua..

nak tahu apa ayatnye?korang buka la tafsir dan kaji (dgr usrah tv9 ok jugak). Bukan xmahu berkongsi tetapi biarlah korang renung sendiri.

sememangnya larangan2 tu ssh utk dijauhi tetapi bukan mustahil. What we need is sincerity in doing it and determination together with doa n tawakal.

sedih rasa bila ingt umur da banyk tapi ilmu (terutama skali akhirat) sgtlah ckit..korg doakanlah diri ini dapt istiqamah dlm belajr ilmu islam ni.sesungguhnya tiada cara yang lbh baik utk kembali kpd Allah melainkan mengkaji Al-Quran, sunnah dan hadis.